AHHHHHHHHHH!

goodbye

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 21:07:58 GMT

fuck livejournal.
i be done with it.

i love the way you put me in the big house

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 00:26:42 GMT

being in a nostalgic mood and such, i decided to read every single one of my livejournal entries, and here is what i noticed: i used to be a really happy girl. then, all of a sudden around christmas, i became sad and emo. i suppose it's the typical teenage experience, but gosh, i cannot wait until i am a hip, young adult who can go clubbing with the girlies and meet some college men on the dance floor.

okay, now that that is settled, here is an update of my amazing life.

mrs. sant needs to stop having parties. we've had beggining of semester parties, birthday parties, valentine's day parties, saint patrick's day parties, celebrate your unique life parties, end of midterm parties...it's absolutely insane. i honestly think that i have regressed and become a fucktard. we think about who is going to bake brownies and bring in fruit salad with coconut shreddings more than actual english. not that i really mind, however.

on to bigger and brighter things, i think i'm going to start doing drugs or be an alcoholic or something because i'm too bored. okay, kidding, but something's gotta give here. i think i want to create a detailed schedule of what parties, movies, activities, events, ect. that my friends and i can attend. this way, there will never again be another weekend of boredom. i'll have it all planned out months in advance in EXCEL. it will be perfect. okay, kidding about that too.

well goodbye, i'm going to go watch some television in my flannel pajamas. sweet, cool kid, sweet.

hey midterms, suck my butt.

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 23:58:44 GMT

i hate school. it's so damn stressful around this time, except english of course. english is a fucking joke, but if you go to chs you probably know that unless you've been living underneath a rock. pooooey. midterms are gay.

i can't wait until two weekends from now. crunktime.

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 02:02:16 GMT

spring break 2005 has been an extremely unrewarding experience. apparently, everyone either hates me, is avoiding me, or has better things to do. regardless, every day of break consists of the same activities: sleeping until one, listening to the kind of music that my mom says "people smoke pot to", and eating. why is it that life is routine at a time when it shouldn't be? i've always been under the impression that spring break is a time to have fun, but apparently, all my years of watching MTV GRIND have taught me nothing but lies. oh well, i suppose i'm too young to do anything cool anyway.

the good news is that i'm leaving the country.

heh, and i'll be going to a place where i'm definitely not too young.

it's official...on wednesday, june 22, i shall be leaving for italy, never to return until july 20th. it should be nice to spend part of my summer in a place other than new jersey. of course, i'm going to miss like 5 people and my dog, but other than that, i think it's going to be amazing.

time to sum up 3 weeks in one entry

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 04:14:06 GMT

in the span of a week, being a bitch has become the coolest thing EVER. now, i don't know when being a bitch became the "in" way to be, or when it suddenly made you a strong person, but everybody's doing it. so, since i am a trendy girl who gives in easily to peer pressure, i've decided that i will attempt to be the bitchiest, most ruthless person i can possibly be.

most of us self-proclaimed bitches love to talk about people behind their backs. however, it's a well known fact that the art of talking shit is not restricted to bitches. everyone does it, even the nice ones. face it, how bland would our conversations be if we weren't allowed to talk shit about other people? pretty damn bland. now, what separates the bitches and the nice ones are the motives. the nice girls will talk about you behind your back to voice their honest opinions, and ususally, they do it for the amusement of others. now, on the other side of the spectrum, you have the evil bitches. they say what they say for their OWN benefit...to make themselves look good, to make others look bad, or maybe its for pure pleasure...the list is endless. regardless, when bitches talk shit, its malicious and it has a purpose.

as the bitch trend continues to multiply, confronting people while being a bitch has become socially acceptable. apparently, we've come to realize that we love to be stepped on, pissed on, and crapped on. we put up with it now, with a fucking grin on our faces. don't even TRY to lie to yourself. you KNOW someone's been a bitch to you in, let's say, the past week. and guess what, you are still BFFAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAE. hmmm, just goes to show you that being a bitch is now officially cool.

mothereffer

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 00:49:31 GMT

no one ever complain to me about being in pain again. i just had fucking laser surgery in my eye, two injections of painkillers in my eye, and an injection of steroids in my eye. i have a torn retina, cornea abrasions, a bruised macula, and detached floating fibers. i can't see out of my right eye, and it's not even guaranteed that i will get my vision completely back. i see black bugs, flashes of light, and smoke. i can't open my eye in bright rooms. i can't tell you how many times i've had my pupils dilated, my eyes numbed, and bright lights shined into my iris in the past 24 hours. and if my retina detaches theres permanent damage. so please, don't make fun of me for wearing sunglasses tomorrow, or for bumping into walls or people.

yo check it out

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 00:53:40 GMT

yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
when i step up to the mic
they all like damn that girl's aiiiight
even though she's white
i drop the venom
if you have pants you wanna wet em
i go out and get em
yeah and i'm so fly with my pimps and my bitches
and if you mess with me, well you might need stiches
(bitches get stiches whaaa?)
(bitches get stiches whaaa?)
you ain't neva before tasted this kinda flava
giving you this sample is like doing you a fava
my name is nappy nat and i roll just like cat
that just had 7 babies and is sitting on a mat
yeah what
dipset muthafucka

snowwwwwwwww

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 22:09:30 GMT

yo it's snowing madly out there. this is sweet -- two snow days in a row, yea bitches what. to those people who are un-welcoming of the snow, are worried about how it will affect our summer schedule, and who would rather have school, this is all I say to you: you are a fucking retard. i might be getting another dog, a yorkshire terrier to be exact. when I was told why i almost cried. you see, my brother has a friend whose mother loves dogs. she has a yorkshire terrier herself. a few weeks ago, she went on vacation or something like that and left her little yorky with a fellow dog owner who also owns a yorky. well, she didn't know it at the time, but her dog was in heat. next thing you know, mr. yorky is getting it on with mrs. yorky. now, mrs. yorky is knocked up. if we get one of the puppies, i'm naming it mrs. sant. damnnnn i'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

uh ohh

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 17:21:07 GMT

LiveJournal (el jay) -- A contradiction in terms. A journal that really isn't a journal, created in a place that really doesn't exist, written by people that shouldn't be allowed to write, and written about things nobody important (or sane) really cares about. This is a place where everyone tries to act a little smarter than they really are; where everyone becomes self-absorbed by posting a lot of stupid pictures where you can't see their face; and where everyone thinks other people actually care about their lives.

gosh.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 23:54:14 GMT

this week was full of ups and downs. it started out with valentine's day on monday, which, as i expected, was excruciating. i spent it at home, in utter aloneness. nevermind, i take that back. i spend it with mr. goodbar, hershey's kisses, and necco sweethearts. i think i may have literally consumed four pounds worth of chocolate. it was absolutely depressing. i've decided that i'm in no way jealous of other people when it comes to this lovey-dovey stuff, because it's not even as if my life can even compare. i've never known any better to be jealous of anyone else if you know what i mean. i've come to terms with the fact that myself finding a significant other is not realistic, and that i probably won't have a boyfriend until college. right now, i have to settle for platonic friends, which is not a bad thing because they are awesome, but it would still be nice to have someone. alas, it's time for me to stop complaining and get on with the rest of my life.

i'm quite happy that tuesday and wednesday of this week were gorgeous days. i went outside to play soccer on them, and i did today too, only today it was 40 degrees, a little colder. i love playing with scott, greg, marty, ect...they're pretty damn good if i may say so myself. it's such a relief to be able to go outside and be active, rather than to sit inside looking for something to do in my boredom. and i'm such a loser about it too. i bring a change of clothes and everything. frankly, i don't care how much of a loser i am anymore. it's not going to change, and it never will change.

speaking of me being a loser, i hope that's not the persona i take on this weekend. we have monday off, so i'm hoping i get the opportunity to let loose and party. if not, i hope that i at least leave my house for something other than soccer. i want to be a spontaneous and fun girl, but i'll never be. even if i am, people are always going to perceive me as someone who will leave the party early so i can study for physics. i don't know, that whole perception of me is starting to get to me only because it is so very one-dimensional, and just really judgemental. i know that it's better than being called a slut, or a bitch, but any time you are kind of labeled as one thing, it feels restricting and you feel alienated. it's almost as if you are forced to act a certain way and stuff like that. i probably shouldn't be complaining because i definitely am really thankful, but it's still kind of aggravating.

this was a really long, really detailed entry, and it was less emo than some of my others, which i have by the way vowed to never write again.

$$$$$$$$$$$

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 01:15:46 GMT

so this weekend was A LOT of soccer. it was ridiculous. it was also a lot of chilling at home, being alone and such. i've been doing a lot of that lately. and when i'm home alone, i study. i STUDY STUDY STUDY. thats all i do. why do you think i get good grades. all i do is study!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love studying. and when i wasnt studying this weekend, i was at katherines or walking on route 35 to wegmens with her and blauvs.

"ARE YOU TONE DEAF?" hahaha

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 05:41:33 GMT

woooo crazy night. i went to cupid's court with my lover roo, and we had the sweetest time. yeah, so what if there weren't any "upperclassmen" there. all you need are a few amazing friends and maybe some razz to get you through the night. i dont understand everyone...no matter what you think, you are never too cool for a dance at YOUR OWN school. applebees was fun afterwards too. people surprise me. not in a bad way... but in a good "wow you impress me" way. i like hanging out with new people, and i honestly think some of the freshmen are alright. after all, they'll be all we have in two/three years.

amazing

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 21:22:51 GMT

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? Death. What's that, a bonus?!? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, go collect all your social security, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, and room service on tap, and then you finish off as an orgasm. Amen." - taylor's away message

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 02:40:32 GMT

so i finished perks. very cool. we won mock trial again. sweet. and other than that, i'm really having a difficult time. i know that people have it a lot worse, and this is just a small fraction of what others face, but i really am not content with my life. honestly, i think that whole "sophomore year changes everything" myth is true, because it does. maybe i've changed, or other people have changed, or maybe this year i'm finally seeing the disappointing truth behind the lies. either way, i'm at a crossroads. i can stay on the path i'm on, or turn. and, unfortunately, there's no turning back because teenage girls are unforgiving. it hurts to go up to a group of people, try to include yourself in the conversation, but get nothing back. there's two options...stick around like a dumbass, or walk away. lately i don't feel like being a dumbass. well i can't even type anymore because i'm getting really emotional.

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 01:07:48 GMT

i'm going to write about mock trial. you know why? because we fricken rocked it. oh yeah, and because i'm a loser. anyway, as witnesses, me and danielle were so hardcore. we were bitches. we didn't give up anything on cross. there was this asshole bitch lawyer, and i started arguing with her, and the judge told us to take it down a notch. and danielle made the lawyer questioning her very nervous. he had nothing on her. and at the very end she looked at him like she was going to kill the guy, and i was like HELL YEAH CHS BITCHES WHAT?

okay, so we lost that round, but it was still sweet.

so onto other things in my life. amelia lent me the perks of being a wallflower, which is an amazing book. i haven't finished yet, but i can already tell that this will be one of my favorite books of all time. its so telling of teenage years, and although its really sad and depressing at times, there are some very funny parts. if you haven't read it, you definitely should.

also, on tuesday, the new semester starts. i'm really nervous because i don't know what to expect. i was just getting really comfortable with the first semester, and now its over. wooosh, it went by that fast, but i guess change is good.

yeah, i'm scene.

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 04:15:02 GMT

tonight was random, but it was really fun. i went to the shore boys basketball game with leigh for the last half, and that was quite interesting. the fans were incredibly rowdy, so they were kicked out of the gym. it was a pretty rare sight - hundreds of kids just getting up from the bleachers and walking out the gym doors. anyway, when that was over, leigh, steven, and I went to coffee house at chs for the last half hour. we only saw two acts but it was cool. there was a kid with bongos and he was sweet. i hung out with steven the whole time and we talked about how weird my school was. after that, we went to cold stone. mmmmmmmmmm, it was so good. i love ice cream, and the adams family.

i need something.

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 03:43:21 GMT

between finals, and stupid people, and other personal stuff that i dont feel comfortable telling anyone...i am in the worst state. i just want to sit in my room and be alone. god, i always do this thing where i don't say things that i know i should say because i don't want to offend or hurt another person. i pretend to play stupid, and i act like i have no idea what's going on. but i do. i have a problem with intimacy and trust, and i don't know how people will react to what i have to tell them. so i complain to livejournal. good, that'll get me places. i could go on and on about my life and how its tough but i won't. i'm just waiting for the day when all this shit is gunna creep up on me.

what the hell is going on?

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 03:10:58 GMT

why can't i tell stories? when i start talking, i can see it in people's eyes..."this girl needs to stop talking. she needs to shut up. she needs to shut the fuck up. is she still talking? why is she still talking? does someone have a stun gun?"

i don't like loud, annoying, asian girls who LITERALLY wear signs on their foreheads that say .. " I AM AsIAN. HEAR ME ROAR"

but i do like loud, annoying, asian girls who tackle their friends in the hallway.

the "s" key on my keyboard doesn't work. that means whenever i want to type the letter "s", i have to copy and paste it. like right now. i have been doing this for 6 months.

why is marissa suddenly a lesbian on the OC? thats ridiculous. its just a ploy to widen the shows target audience to include 15 year old teenage boys with raging hormones and horrible acne.

and the show point pleasant, filmed in san deigo, is stupid and gay. despite the opening narrative, point pleasant is not a town filled with "satanic signs and shit"

when i get bored, i go on myspace. every 3 minutes, i return to the homepage to check if i have any new friend requests. if i do, i get all warm and fuzzy inside. someone wants to be my cyber-friend! its the best feeling in the world, and i am always in utter anticipation of who this new digitalperson will be.

get over it get over it get over it

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 03:35:55 GMT

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. Do you know what's not natural? 80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural. But we got pills for that. We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect, but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 05:35:37 GMT

AHHHHHH

sorry if i'm getting sentimental, but all this snow makes me miss summer. and this picture defined my summer. that night was sweet, i still remember it. i remember chasing that crazy dog down the street, eating cake with our fingers, little boy tuazon's tent, being spit on across the table ....

so fun.

but now there's a foot and a half of snow outside, and that night seems so distant. even though i can remember last summer like it was yesterday, this upcoming one seems incredibly far away.

this song makes me cry

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 22:18:41 GMT

let's see..

friday was mr. chs....that was pretty interesting. i love dancing like a skank in front of all of my teachers and fellow students. afterwards i went to applebees with the twins, carli, and danielle. i love that place. we got a million deserts and they were amazing. um saturday i did nothing.
and sunday night i hung out with katy and we did what we do best and were losers. we watched napoleon dynamite and ate wendys.

well i have a big task ahead of me this week. lets see if i can do what i have to do until friday. idk, it might be hard. i just need to chill out, be cool, listen to un-emo music, and not be a complaining obsessed loser.

i'm through with boys.

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 02:54:37 GMT

wow, today i really needed to take some time out and think about things. so i ran 5 miles. it really helped to clear my mind and now that all the fog is gone i feel better i guess. and it barely has anything to do with boys thank god. idk, i've decided that people will use you no matter what. you know what i mean? like, you're just their backup plan if something doesn't work out. and i feel so out of it. not mentally or internally or whatever, but i feel like a last resort and what not. its that weird outcast feeling where i don't know where i belong. like at soccer, when i play with girls who could be on the national team, i feel like i shouldn't be there. and i'm too tall so i get all self-concious around short people. and now im starting to not like talking, because i never know what's going on. i want to move to alabama, where everyones weird and goofy so i'll feel better about myself. and now i have to go find clothes, because i'm in one of those moods where i get out of the shower and sit in my towel for 45 minutes. i'm thinking about changing, and i'm visualizing myself getting up, but i'm just too damn lazy. okay, here i go...

girls only want boyfriends who have great skills

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 23:10:24 GMT

blah

yesterday was a good day.
today is a bad day.
yeh, life is a funny little cocksucker.

and napoleon dynamite is flippin sweet.

outcast for life

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 01:35:58 GMT

i liked today. it went fairly well. except i'm really sore from lifting. you know that feeling where you're so sore that you walk like you have a 7 foot cold metal pole up your ass. yeah, that how i feel. well not my ass, obviously, but my legs. okay that makes no sense, but the bottom line is, i'm walking funny.

well anyway, today i went all old school. at lunch we brought back those crazy thrid grade games like concentrate, miss mary mack, and ring around the rosy. its weird, all of my friends are from different towns, but we still played the same retarded games. games that are quite disturbing if you think about it. especially concentrate. if you don't know what i'm talking about, then you're probably a boy, and you don't count.

hey guess what? i'm an outcast. yeah, that's right. and i'm proud of it. you see, if it wasn't for us outcasts, then NO ONE would feel accepted, because no one would be rejected. get it? so, basically, i'm beneficial to society. appreciate me and my outcastness.

i'm going to go now. bye.

that was a retarded entry. i'm on shrooms.

hah

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 20:07:57 GMT

wow, winter break is over. it went by so fast.
oh well, i can't say it wasn't eventful.
well, i'm gunna go now before i write something that i shouldn't.
i'm hungry anyway.
i'll just heat up some leftovers.